Goodnight My Prince

My mind paces
Back and forth
As I lay
Beside you tonight

I wonder why
How did I
Get so lucky
To have you

In my life
By my side
Protecting every move
With your love

I only wish
For us together
To have forever
In life happiness

You are unique
As I smile
I kiss briefly
Upon your head

Goodnight My Prince

Red

So let me explain in a little more depth what this "Red" thing is all about. Basically what it is, is when Troy's buttons are pushed to much, too hard, it pisses him off. He eventually can't bottle up his anger and pressure that it overflows into his scenario of "turning red". So he gets to the point that his voice will become either to a loud yell or,  this low growling creature voice. In all honestly, it scares the living shit out of me, but either way, something inside of me always wants to stand in his way of leaving. I usually try to block the exits that lead to his car. I really don't want him to drive in that state, cuz in the back of my head, I think of  so many bad consequences of what could happen if he isn't safe. I begin to cry for the sole fact that if something were to happen, I would regret it for the pure fact that I had started it over something purely stupid. I'm not gonna lie it has been happening a lot lately....and it always seems like it is worse around my birthday. The past 2 years  I had my heart broken around my birthday. First one was by my ex-fiance, Dan, August 12th 2010. I was 18 going to be turning 19. Second was by my longest relationship, yet he is still one of my friends, my ex-boyfriend Paul, August 8th 2011. I was going to be 20 a week later on the 15th. Then last night, August 2nd...I was afraid it was gonna happen again, and I wasn't going to let myself go through that pain again. I was gonna fight for him. Even if he was "Red" or not. I needed to prove to him that I was going to fight one way or another. He said I have an attitude issue, yeah that may be the case, but he has and anger issue. We both realized we need some type of help or stress reliever. His happens to be video games, mine...writing. All in all, after we fight and I let him go drive to let steam off, yes I worry sick about him, but he always comes back one way or another, which I am thankful for. I know he loves me to death and I feel the same for him. We may not always show it, we ain't perfect, but we know what is important to us. And through everything, we will will fight for one another and protect one another for our love. Even if he doesn't remember what happened, I will always forgive him. I love him to god damn much to let him go.

Man Of My Dreams

I just want you
Only you
That is all
I could ever ask for

You give me hope
You give me strength
Through all the pain and anger
We see through it with love

I only want to be with you
For the rest of my life
I know we may be young
But time will tell

Yet in my heart
My mind and soul
You will be the one
To take my hand
And show me the life
I have always dreamed.

A world of love
A world of protection
Of loyalty and trust
You are the man of my dreams.

Dedication

This section of my blogs is about everything, or at least close to everything that is between me and Troy. I love this man. I truly do. Honestly, I know this sounds weird, but he to me is starting to really become the one. He is always there for me. Through all the pain I have been through from bullshit drama on the ship about me or him or us to just stress from work...he has been always there beside me. I'm not gonna lie, we have our arguments and our breakdowns, but through it all we stand up to one another to try and fix the issues.

Him and I over the past couple weeks have been having issues where we will start talking about something, and one thing or another snaps in my head, and I guess certain ways I say something or portray it makes him angry and he has this thing where he goes "Red". I mean, in a sense it is the inner demon showing himself, I have one too. I am still learning to control her, but one way or another she comes out. Anyways, I love him so much I would do anything for him. Just to keep him by my side til death. I really do want to be with him. So this blog is going to be dedicated to him, read it if you like, up to you.