Red

So let me explain in a little more depth what this "Red" thing is all about. Basically what it is, is when Troy's buttons are pushed to much, too hard, it pisses him off. He eventually can't bottle up his anger and pressure that it overflows into his scenario of "turning red". So he gets to the point that his voice will become either to a loud yell or,  this low growling creature voice. In all honestly, it scares the living shit out of me, but either way, something inside of me always wants to stand in his way of leaving. I usually try to block the exits that lead to his car. I really don't want him to drive in that state, cuz in the back of my head, I think of  so many bad consequences of what could happen if he isn't safe. I begin to cry for the sole fact that if something were to happen, I would regret it for the pure fact that I had started it over something purely stupid. I'm not gonna lie it has been happening a lot lately....and it always seems like it is worse around my birthday. The past 2 years  I had my heart broken around my birthday. First one was by my ex-fiance, Dan, August 12th 2010. I was 18 going to be turning 19. Second was by my longest relationship, yet he is still one of my friends, my ex-boyfriend Paul, August 8th 2011. I was going to be 20 a week later on the 15th. Then last night, August 2nd...I was afraid it was gonna happen again, and I wasn't going to let myself go through that pain again. I was gonna fight for him. Even if he was "Red" or not. I needed to prove to him that I was going to fight one way or another. He said I have an attitude issue, yeah that may be the case, but he has and anger issue. We both realized we need some type of help or stress reliever. His happens to be video games, mine...writing. All in all, after we fight and I let him go drive to let steam off, yes I worry sick about him, but he always comes back one way or another, which I am thankful for. I know he loves me to death and I feel the same for him. We may not always show it, we ain't perfect, but we know what is important to us. And through everything, we will will fight for one another and protect one another for our love. Even if he doesn't remember what happened, I will always forgive him. I love him to god damn much to let him go.